In the Name of Love

The other day I received a call from a good friend’s girlfriend, mainly because she found a bill to me in his purse. She asked me something about it. I informed her he borrowed money from me and just returned it to me. She then asked me what’s the use throughout the money. I frankly informed her I knew nothing about it. She accused me of lending money to him with out knowing the use. I said I didn’t think I required to ask such questions, since I knew him for a long time and trusted him. She continued to ask more about it and myself. I said: “ Why you ask me such question? ” She said，“I think I have right to know about it.” I still said having a peaceful tone “ I do not think you have right to know about it. If he agrees me to tell you, I will tell you. If not, I won’t tell you. mainly because he is my friend, while I don't know you at all. I might respect him first.” The words enraged her and she lost her temper and shouted me discourteously throughout the phone.

“I have right to know about it.” I’m sure that this saying is familiar to us. It’s not my earliest time to meet a girl like this. Some girls, maybe most throughout the girls, think they have right to know everything about her boyfriend.

In my personal opinion, every one is independent, belonging to nobody except himself. The parents gave us our life, but cannot go via our lifestyle rather than us. The bosom friends can touch our hearts and feeling but cannot taste the happiness and bitterness in our life. Therefore, I continually attach selfhood most. My life, my feeling and I just belong to myself only. In my inner perception , for me, I might be the reason for myself ; and for the others, I might respect him, including his feeling, his choice and his life. I hate everyone who thinks he has right to know everything about other people, to interfere others’s choices and to invade others’ personal spaces.

It’s declared that pesons are like hedgehogs in need of warmess. If we are too far away, we can’t get warmness from every other. If we are too close, the thorns over our body will hurt every other. Therefore, the perfect distance between persons is neither too far way nor too close. We might treatment for, believe and incorporate every other, and above all, we might leave every other a personal time and space.

However, a whole large amount of persons are aways against the rule. all through our childhood, a whole large amount of parents request their children what to do and what not to do, even impose their will throughout the children. Generally the parents choose the school, the major and even the way in which throughout the future for the children. Since we are small child, we are informed to do whatever adults tell us to do. Increasingly we shed the ability of listening to our inner heart and just do whatever other people tell us to do. That’s why we shed the ability of innovation, which will be the largest power and motivation for our civilization. For inviduals it causes our spirit planet getting vacuous and boring, since we do not know what we want and what we are intersted in and what we can do. We do not know in which our heart is. Gradually we shed the zest and awareness of life, which will be the major cause for high suicide. In some way, this is a kind of hurt, in the name of love.

To make matter worse, few persons look via this matter. We are hurt when we are children. We hurt other people when we develop up. When we are in love, we take the right for granted that to contol our lover’s everything, including his choice, his money, his socienty relationship, and even his feeling, as my friend’s girlfriend said, “I have right to know about it.” When we are parents, we follow the exact way as our parents. We think we have right to interfere other people, who is intimate and important in our heart. As a familiar saying, that’s mainly because I adore you. Therefore, in the name of love, we hurt our most intimate someone with out guilt. However, as a well-known writer Gaoersiji said, even a hen can adore his own children, but the majority of all, how you can love. Everyone can adore other people, however, the way in which to show adore will be the most important. If a adore cannot make every other feel safe, comfortable and inspiring, it can be an unhealthy adore which might die and cannot survive. We adore just we want warmness and comfort. It’s the obligation that people might stand on every other’s point and try our best to give every other this kind of feeling.

A true adore can be an unconditional adore in which pay with out thought of gain; a sincere adore is a selfless adore in which thinking about other people rather than himself; a healthy adore is a comfortable adore which incorporate concern rather than interposition, discussion rather than inquest, respect rather than interference, help rather than substitute, toleration rather than nit-pick.